my morning muse... twirl

Well its no trafalgar square, not even jln masjid india BUT thats 'my' pigeon just outside my kitchen...
:-)

The sawo matang and hitam manis

Thats the skin tone of some asians, dark  and sweet!
Some of my caucasian friends admitted that they are quite fascinated with asian girls. For a lot of reasons.
Well me too. My really very close friends know how i adore girls with the sawo matang and hitam manis skin tone. Forget the sexy bit of it, cause they are just really exotic looking (thats coming from a very straight me!), they just look so fine with the littlest of cosmetic help on their faces!

So recently, it got me wondering, just cuz i have too much time on my hands.... why is it that a lot of them are crazy buying skin whitening product? Some looking as pale and dead-looking as edward cullen (sorry team edward)..

Well ive wondered enough..not too rocket-science. Just us human.

It must be.....

....the air conditioner, LOL!
Ive not posted anything on Facebook for a while. Yesterday i posted about my trip to university malaya medical centre. It was just an MRI appointment but they want me to be admitted - for a week! My condition really interests them!
Anyway...my status was posted along with my photos, actually taken because i was bored waiting while i was trying to decide whether i should just agree and stay, or? I really dont know... 
Apparently, staying away from Facebook for  a while, then posting whats on my mind with a few boring photos attracted some friends whove been missing me to drop by and say a quick hi, and some, hehe.
I just dont want anybody else to be manipulated by them. By them i mean my photos. :-)
No one in the right frame of mind would ever tell me to my face "Darling, you look gorgeous!" Well thats because its true. Especially, in the  middle of malaysias wicked afternoon sun! My only logical explanation would be, i was in a calming cool environment! Yeahhh! 
So now you know why, Alaska..or Greenland!

Just so you know, photos CAN be deceiving (wink, wink) - truth, and nothing but the truth!

12 YEARS YOUNG (tried tested and learnt)

What did you want to be, to wear, to listen to when YOU were 12? I was just talking about it on my last 2 entries. I think.

My girl Aesyah is 12. And she has this idea of what she should be wearing. Pretty much like most 12 year-old huh? No? I thought thats how it is. Given a chance, that is... I somewhat gave her a guideline of what she CAN where at certain places. I remember a few years ago my niece went to a wedding wearing skinny jeans and showing some of her chest. Her dad was not very happy but her mom okayed it. Is this a gurrrrrrl thanggg? Or..., age related factor? Or a little of both? Id go with the latter. Just cuz every girl, given a chance to say, wear, et cetera according to her own choice, would pick her own taste. I remember myself,nieces and some of my friends daughters..well sons too... went through this period of time, and wed be telling them (just like our parents did) "hey girl..go easy on the eyeliner, youre beautiful the way you are" Some of them obliged..while the rest went ahead. Try and learn stuff thats part of growing up. Really..every parent in the right frame of mind would say something if their girl chose to be a mysterious gothic lass in the neighborhood. Saya doakan anak-anak saya dan anak-anak yang lain menemui destinasi yang diberkati yang maha Esa

where you been....

hey monkey
dont you want to be needed too?

She, who keeps me grounded....

Alhamdulillah..the day i read her comments on a mutual friend's FB thread, was a great day for me. I like it that im given the chance to know her, hopefully more, insyaAllah.
one of the reasons why she keeps me somewhat grounded, is she herself. Shes surrounded by many..but riak langsung tidak! I hope you stay this way always. Anyway, i stumbled upon her blog about last week when i was checking my pageviews statistic and found a strange url. Clicked on it, and, there she was!!!!
I am now spending time at her blog, picking on random topics, trying to catch up on what ive missed...getting to know her   :-)
Her blog is Journey To Simplicity
http://alamroon.blogspot.com/
P/S: I snapped the accompanying photo to remind me of more interesting stuff at her blog  :-)

what life is like these days...

I was on my sorta .... fb very personal journal...whatever..
My horoscope for once, almost  spot on...uh huh

(For some reason the youtube link is not working)
Heard this song on Bones..by chelsea william.
Haha

...aaaand, what i really mean...

....when i wrote in my eid ul adha entry wasnt about being ungrateful. I  love my sister and brother dearly. Thats why i wish that all three of us should work on spending time together at least during times like hari raya.. i dontcare where, my place or theirs. Cook together. Solat jemaah together. Clean up the mess together. I want to do that. Even dalam keadaan i ni, i sanggup nak buat. Biar i swallow a few tramadol supaya tak rasa sakit apa2 untuk hari ysng i boleh spend dengan orang2 yang saya sayang. Id do that.
So yea...a relationship, no matter between lovers or siblings or friends, needs a lot of effort to make it grow and blossom.

May be i should try harder..


P/S: i recieved a few emails in response to that entry, thank you  :-) you guys helped me see the other side of the coin
- sincerely unangered

eid ul adha

LES MISÈRABLES pretty much the same since after the divorce..although this year yein came overand took our son tonthe mosque for solat sunat raya, then off to his parents. as for the past 3 years that we've been separated. divorced. Im beginning not to like the celebration. I feel a lot sadness more than anything else. Please dont tell me, "you should remarry. Yein. Just cause you know him good and bad...blah blah blah" Thank you my dears, i know you care, but read this carefully, his bad and MY BAD, is catastrophic! Trust me. I despise the fact that my sister and my brother both do not see the gathering of us on some special occassion as something important.. i think to them its ok if youre here, its ok if youre not. Its a shame that we are not like some of my friends and their siblings. Aesyah came back from her grandparents looking somewhat unhappy, i just had to ask why, whats wrong...? She didnt want to tell. I left it hoping shed come to me and open up. Takde pun - sampai saya tak tahan hati dah tengok dia monyok macam tu... i just couldnt stand seeing her like that, i went to her, "Kak, please tell me whats bugging you, or youre not going on the school trip" (i know, i can be amazingly pushy sometimes!! Aesyah is going to KL on tuesday, its a school outing before they move on to secondary school...oh boy!) She went, "Mama niiiiii...malaslah nak cerita, its the same thing every year" I immediately thought she meant that we are not celebrating eid like the other families. I went on blabbering that she should be grateful for what she has. What we have. Then she showed that face i know so well... "Ohhh, thats not it...ok im sorry, what is it then?" "Kenapa semua orang suka komplen jer pasal kakak?" Oooooopsie! "Babe, can you please be a little more specific?" I tried to joke my way out. " When we were at atoks he asked me, kakak what do think youd get for your upsr, 5As or 5Fs? And he laughed lepas cakap macam tu. Kenapa dia mean sangat?" Oh it breaks my heart everytime i see her tears all welled up in her eyes. "Please dont cry, not over what he said..dont cry over, because or for him, EVER!" I wanted to add more but it all stayed in my heart. Alhamdulillah. Shes so pure she doesnt understand hatred and anger. I would like to say anything i want, because i owe you nothing, but i am nothing like you. "Kenapa atok selalu macam tu?" "You know the deal Kak, dalam dunia ni ada macam2 orang dengan macam2 perangai, your atok is one of them yang macam2 perangai. I dont expect you to understand it now because it took me 43 years of living, baru nak faham sikit tentang orang keliling kita. Life!" And the more she talked about whats bugging her, the angrier she looked. Yeah, she was a little sad and couldnt understand why sedara mara dia banyak komen pasal her family. No, its not like you cant comment at all, but before you do...take a good look around you. Yourself. Frustrated? Yes! So yeah, raya is pretty much the same  

I guess i can (now) safely say NOW I KNOW....

I was not an angel growing up. Partly because i thought my parents or siblings didnt like me because im ugly. At the age of 9 or so, i idolized freddie mercury. Mick jagger. At 14, i dressed up like boy george. I thought id be better off as a man. I shaved my legs. My arms. Oh yeah, my chest. I fell in love with bonnie tyler. Errrr..

Anyway, my treasure Aesyah is now 12. When she was born, she was pulled out of me by the arm...injured one of the nerves which caused her erb palsy (left arm) and as if that was not enough, she had stopped breathing and turned blue because 4 suction machine to clear the mucus from her infant lungs didnt work. I was lying there being stitched up, crying, motionless on the labour room bed. She was taken away, somewhere. I remember thinking to myself, thats it? The 8 months? Then the nurse came and put her on my chest. Shes still with me!!
She went through a lot. Blood transfusion. Infection. She had to stay in the neo natal ward for almost a month for being a pre-m baby. Jaundice. Breathing issue. She made it. I told her that shes a strong little girl, and she is! Day by day i thought to myself that shes going to grow up as somebody important. Every moms dream?
Today, as i watch her grow, everyday, i see a little bit of myself growing inside her. And it scares the hell out of me...that shed share the same path i did! God forbids. My path has been difficult and hurtful, i dont want her to go through the same path i did. And everytime she hums a song, i wanted to tell her stop singing, read a book instead! Or when shes looking up a lyric to her favorite song, i wanted to tell her, practice maths....
I believe that shes destined to be bigger. better.
I guess, this is the same thing that got my mother (al-fatihah Chik...) all worried. over me.
Now i know....
My Darling Aesyah, I love you so much. Period.

the ducatis multistrada 1200 s grantourismo

in february. 2013. eastern states of malaysia. well it is still very much a plan, the nasti ducati  super bike or the multistrada. this will all take place after the test at sepang. and sadly i must add will only happen if the condition of my back doesnt deteriorate, uh huh! i was more than excited when the idea of going on a superbike but realistic i must be...the multistrada it shall be. and so i have less than 4 months...to do whatever necessary...so i will keep my fingers crossed, and pray really hard!.

saya tidak sempurna, kamu...

saya..dah lama tak menulis. sebab bo
san dengan macam-macam perkara.
nak  kata  heran pun, macam tak kena, apa nak diherankan, dah namanya pun manusiakan..
tapitak boleh lari dari rasa , ehmmmm bosan! aiyo, maaflah itu saja yang betul-betul terfikir dalam kepala. mana tak rasa macam bosan, ok kira kes pertama, orang yang rasag tak penah salah..kalau dia kena tegur, melenting aja tegakkan benang basah dia. tapi kalau orang lain, nampak saja salah.  ada aja yang tak kena.
penah tak experience orang yang  sebegini rupa?
someone who thinks she or he is always on the right path, and others  are never thinking? alim dari mana2 hamba Allah yang ada kat mukabumi ni. macam dia seorang yang  mencari rezeki, ysng bekerja keras, yang sentiasa sebok. ampunnnnn.  and kalau orang lain, always membazir, berdosa, kalau dia, tak apa..
mungkin orang2 macam ni rasa dia perfect. pandang rendah pada orang yang mencabar dia. entah ye, jadi topik hangst jugak minggu lepas...or 2 minggu lepas kot tentang contoh masing2, ramailah yang menggrlenkg  kepala, heheh.  belajarlah dari segenap sudut...eh, iya ke? iya la rasanya kot tak nak nasihat2lah, sendiri mau ingat kan.... saya sendiri masih belajar, bila kita setuju dengan frasa 'tiada siapa yang sempurna dimukabumi tuhan ini" you better believe it and live it too...

Ooops...

have you ever, honestly forget something, goodness-gracious-me...., err, someone? really, not intentionally, just slipped your mind, cuz you werent thinking straight, more crookedly, really!
and punished for it? I do not appreciate it one bit...you know the-get-back-atcha philosophy....i really dont get the attitude.
PERIOD!
But yeah, life.., learn from this!

Check out this facebook page!

Check out this facebook page!

well.. i started this  ;-)
uh huh i created it - The Admin -

the boy in the striped pyjamas made me sobbed

i was feeling down and disappointed with things around me last week. all i wanted to do was lay back and watch a good movie with the kids. (and imagine how good it would feel to kick your behind for being 'foolish' and expect me to foolishly buy the crap youre selling... im not 23, im 43! i know what youre doing anyway you slice it..)
anyway..the boy in the striped pyjamas wasnt at all what i expected it to be. i usually scanned the review, i obviously didnt this one.
before i go further, i would like to apologize for the sensitivity of this post..
i have friends from all walks of life. all colors (if you so insist that i mention this bit). and faith. i think because the setting was during world war 2, my 1st and 3rd fell asleep half way watching it. trish asked a lot of questions. why did the soldier talk that way to the old man? what is that smoke, what are they burning? i read about concentration camps, but obviously not enough to know what they were burning at the time. so we watched together commenting how he is curious to know more about pavel and how nice and kind bruno is towards shmuel. anyway..when bruno and shmuel went looking for shmuels dad, they were 'trapped' along with hundreds other prisoners, led into a gas chamber.
on seeing this, trish grew terrified and repeatedly asked what are they doing to them? are they really taking a shower? i suggested toturn it off. that shes too young to understand. but she insisted that we watch it till the end.  and so we did.
trish asked, why did the hitler soldiers do that? i explained that its war time and thats why war is bad. she asked again, "but why?" and she asked again, "but why?"....

in my heart and mind, terrified of blasphemy


the somewhat courageous coward

Love and other drugs, and then some..

I have not seen this movie, but my friend fizh listed it in the 'movies you should watch' and i just manage to watch the trailer.. Oh boy, its the kind of movie that makes me wept and wake up with puffier eyes!
Not like 'hes not THAT into you' or '27 dresses'...i think!
I think it kind of reminds me of myself..except for the part whr jake gyllenhaal (yeaaa.. i memorized the spelling of his surname..) wants beautiful anne hathaway like crazy..hmm no, no..how i wish!
just the part where she gets sick..

well, i fell asleep a few times while writing this

i watched the revolutionary 'brokeback mountain' for the first time last night! i know, kind of stale right..
i couldnt sleep after watching it. theres a certain kind of rush inside me. i keep wanting to see jake gyllenhaal (and of course heath ledger!!!) over and over again.
LOL. cheeky norrie!

but thats not all - its sad..thats what reality is all about, plain and simple, that life is not all-time rosy

so make the best out of it, everytime you can, for yourself - and those around you, when you can..

a little overwhelmed, and a 'lot bored'..

HA!
just a few weeks ago, i heard (i wasnt really eavesdropping, they were just loud.. *wink* ) i heard a group of girlfriends, and a few not-so discussing a popular topic, not necessarily interesting (i just thought i should add), just popular.
there were, if im not mistaken, 14 of them, sitting across each other. i guessed theyre schoolmates. just because thats who they usually are. they organize one after another get-together.
no, no, dont get me wrong (notice that i say that a lot, the phrase "dont get me wrong"? well thats because, im always perceived differently..than what i meant to say) im not against it, or anything. ok, (darn!) let me rephrase that.. "they look like the type who successfully organize a get-together"
better?
girl #1 very pretty, with long brown hair: i dont understand why they like telling the world what theyre cooking - EVERYDAY! oh puhhhhlizzzz
a few of her friends nodded in agreement. some pretended they didnt hear her, i think. some exchanged disagreeing looks. a few of those who seemed to be agreeing with her went on discussing the topic she brought up.
girl #2 very pretty as well, long black hair tied up high: oh come on, its not much different than posting pictures to where one travelled...right? so whats wrong with telling the world what shes cooking everyday? haha, youre just crossed with her (bluntly girl #2 told girl #1 straight in the face. of course girl #1 denied it)
he-girl #3 thin and tall, and very pretty: 'mak tak kisah nyahhhh' as long as no one bugs me! i write whatever i feel, if anyone doesnt like it, move on. then she added, although i cant stand those who keep posting smarty-ass words of wisdom about  love and friendship and more crap (and her eyes turned wildly at another pretty girl - yes theyre a bunch of pretty looking faces - as if giving indication of who shes talking about..) so hypocrite lorrr  like we dont know who they are...
some of them laughed. some shook their heads.
girl #4 very pretty wearing head cover: ..those are still tolerable.. haha, i dont understand why people accept friend request from people, but wouldnt say a word after that! once i thought id say hello and get to know this certain girl i befriended, and the best is, she requested to be my friend. she didnt return my hello, instead she removed herself. what was that???? apparently some said its because she didnt like me barging in her 'circle of friends' thread of conversation.. actually, come to think of it, its very much like how it is in real life lah
i grew tired of listening. ive heard it all before, i remembered. usually the girls are the one with many 'rules and conditions' about how it should be..what to say, what not to. and the 'ignore' games. some girls wearing head cover wouldnt befriend girls whos not wearing head cover. ohh and the list goes on.
i have my own personal and rather weird (i dont know..maybe i was the weird one..) experience, a family friend, a mother of a pretty teenager..who expected me to chat with her everyday. shed want us (my daughter too) to respond to her yet have a whole long list of  NOs on her side.
i just thought, its facebook for gods sake..how about we try to be nice, then again, thats down right hypocrisy all over again..
i guess this is what life is all about - tolerance

aaaaaanyways, heath ledgers really brilliant @ Brokeback Mountain, im watching it as im finishing this post  ;-)
have yerself a sweeeet weekend with the family nawww..

:-)

eli, tu as gagné..

a walk in my shoes..

ever felt like the hurdles never end?
well i certainly have. im not saying that im the sorriest soul on earth, just that it could be better  ;-)
god knows i have made mistakes that could be on AVOID DOING THESE MISTAKES for dummies if theres anyone would write about it!
but yeah, sometimes they were not meant to. like hurting someone. i consider myself a 'nice' person. not an angel, buttttt..... nice! not mean, you know. sometimes a persons automatic response to being manipulated or taken advantage of, or treated unjustly..is just simply to retaliate..god knows so many of you are shaking your heads now, but really..thats the auto-responder of a normal, average human like me..
there! now thats honesty. thats how a mistake started!!!!
the mistakes that we did when we were so much younger.
ALRIGHTY..the mistakes that I made! :P
when i didnt really think. when 'an eye for an eye' used to be the motto!
now my guilt-meter or whatever is more appropriate you think it should be called has been bugging me - is apologizing enough? (am i dying? i heard talks about how some people started looking back on what wrong theyve done when theyre dying...?)
then theres this voice that wouldnt settle either...why do i have to be the only one apologizing?
i mean do they really think that they didnt do anything wrong? OH sheer audacity!
yea i guess im babbling here now because i want them to know that they owe me big time sorry!
is that even viable? lol
i guess its ridiculous.
im just tired of people looking at me as the bad guy. yeah, i can be very forward..but isnt standing up for yourself what youve been taught all your life?


"I’m a good man with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start"
-shadow days-

in retrospect to "2nd chance in life and healthy living"  ..ive been thinking a lot about the times when i was not able to do things, especially with the kids. and thinking that i will be living my life without a man in my life. and a stable job. i work from home. not that i am terribly good, but i hate the idea of being on sick leaves every week. and the things people around have said about me! i just couldnt believe that they even thought that! all that brought me down to the ground,  it was insanely heartbreaking - to deal with the pain, and feeling depressed most of the times - especially when its people i trusted and loved. i never knew  'betrayal' could be so insulting! honestly.
now i am not in so much a different situation, really, but i feel calmer within. which is the best start of this healing  process..(yea, i guess this is) that got me thinking, why? then all the reading ive been doing while being cooped up here got me thinking again ( yea thats a lot of thinking and i really hope it will get me going somewhere..) it could be  the state of depression ive been in. you dont think?
yea. when i was in the BIG denial, i felt like everything was fine and dandy but it was just a whole lot of illusion to make up for what i didnt have (i still dont have much..) here... is a good example, i kept telling myself that one day the life that ive been dreaming about would just come true. something like that. that i would be all better. that i will have a real family again. a husband. a good stable family. a home.
OK, god i suck.
What im saying is, depression is not a good thing. i know you guys knew that. me too. well just dont ever keep yourself in it for too long. treat it! dont let it get to you. if there were negative people you know will only bring you down, apologize and try to keep a distance. get reacquainted with yourself and evaluate things. i dont know much, but to rebuild a life needs a lot of positive energy from within and positive people.
i mentioned 'apologize' - to me apologizing to people isnt over-dramatic or in any ways degrading at all!!! its good for the soul. it keeps one grounded. somewhat. try to listen to other people. dont be so self-centered. let me be clear on what i mean, dont keep asking people to listen to ONLY your stories. you need to lend your pair of listening ears too!
so i am thinking that im out of the depressing zone i was in for years and that is why i feel what i feel today. Its a whole lot of things. funny i should say this but its like a detox process for the body and soul!!! its the people in your circle. and the food you consume most definitely!
yes, go ahead eat healthy. eat happily. 

2nd CHANCE IN LIFE & HEALTHY LIVING

Im not sure what exactly about life this post will be about, but lets just roll, you know, who knows that by the time im done, theres something to learn from it.

Alright..how many of you here are disease-free? not even asthma? be very thankful if youre disease-free but stop feeling despair if youre already with one. or two. sorry, but its a fact that some chose to just ignore.i was once there. i chose to ignore. i was in a denial. i thought whatever that is that hit me would just go away one day. well..apparently not. 

i came from a background of family with a sad medical history. i have a few cousins whove been victims of all kinds of cancer. heart diseases. not to mention the now-normal to us all - hypertension and diabetes. my eldest brother died of uncontrolled hypertension. my dad suffered from stroke and lived paralysed for years before he went to meet his Maker. he was also a diabetic. both my brother and sister are now on medications for hypertension and diabetes. and i soon followed. 

i thought what happened to my cousins with cancer wouldnt dare happen to me. or at least in our family. in 2001 soon after my dads passing, my mom fell sick. she complained of bleeding although she had had her menopause years before. she was in and out of the hospital without anything done to her. doctors suggested some procedures but they never went through because her BP or sugar level would be high or shed have a fever. in the end we were all called to meet her doctor only to be informed that shes already in a critical stage of Cervix cancer! I didnt know what to feel. i didnt know how to react. it was a shock to us all. it must be worst to her. i remembered her saddened expression when the doctor announced the 'news'. after that she just didnt care anymore. she hardly smile. or talked. and within a week of knowing, she followed her beloved husband. 

alright, so you thought that would teach me some lessons about managing my life. 

well, in 2002 i had a high fever that caused me my spine..well so-to-speak.. it happened twice. after the second  fever, i felt the right side of  my body became weak. i waited. it got worse. i couldnt walk properly. i couldnt even wear my shoes without having to pick them up and guided it into the shoe or sandal. that still didnt hit me that theres really something wrong with me. after an MRI done, 4 doctors whove seen the result told me that id be wheelchair bound. and i prove all 4  of them wrong. so it got to my dumb head. i forgot all about it. my Philadelphia choke-me-to-death-Collar. my spiritual routine.  my guards. i was careless. i forgot that i still have a severe cervical condition that got my nerves compressed so much it only has about 4mm of space left in the canal, from C2 through to C7, i think! 

OK enough said about my spinal issues (somewhere in December 2010, I couldnt  stand up straight. its my lumbar! God!) although searching for 'something' to treat and rid the pain due to the spinal issue brought me to this small miracle im now so used to calling it 'The Life Potion'  -  well it doesnt...but I shall be more  positive from now on..it hasnt shown me much signs on curing the weakness or the backache. but it helped with the blood circulation, my vampirish sleeping habit. boosts my energy level. my wondering head, which by that i meant unfocused... 

through it all,  it certainly taught me that theres a cure for everything. you just need to keep looking aside from our prayers. 

i dont quite know how to relate what i found and sharing it with you here would teach us about life, haha, but i just have this nagging urge to share it so that everyone will know. 

ok, here's a scenario that i hope will help you understand where im coming from. being sick made people like me somewhat the centre of attraction to health supplement MLM agents. Serious! i get really irritated sometimes you know how they showed up at your doorstep at 10mins to 11 o'clock at night? and how persuasive they can be, like anything else is not good enough but what they represent.. there are friends who are smart enough to let me try it, to see if it works. so i tried. mostly didnt work with me. a few did. one does more than just worked for me. so when i found what worked for me, and does even more, i would like to share it with the world if i had enough networking to spread it around. dont get me wrong, i really do appreciate it, its just the 'pushing' me to 'buy buy buy' laa, you dont think of your health, your young children! im the one carrying it on my shoulders, i know what it feels like!!!

if you thought that having a fever for a week is terrible, what do you think someone diagnosed with a terminally-ill disease feels? 

yep, that there IS the reason why and what im rambling about today. so ok, im sharing this with all of you reading this, and you should really spread it around. its simple, if you dont need it, maybe someone you know MIGHT! 

so when you have the time, go visit and READ about http://kunyit.my/

NOBODY WANTS TO BE SICK!

perfectly lonely..

id say not quite..  :-)
i am not lonely, just a little alone. i have finally left the imaginary world of being in love. oh well. if thats whats it called. i have learned to love and learned that when to put an end to something thats not working out no matter how much love i feel inside of me - building up, everyday.
i will not replace love with hate..because thats one thing i can never do.

Jennifer Glopez

Did you see the glow on Jennys pretty face @ American Idol? (Forget why I can't visualize Ryan Seacrest..) So I guess that's the one good thing about having a young boyfriend!!!!
Only boys below 30, uh huh  ;-) boypower!
Yea..maybe we single girls (35 - 45 haha) should give it a go..
:P

(Label - Lifestyle, Relationship and Food (~ ~ ~) hmmm )

have you been swept off your feet...

no really, have you? do you feel like no one else could ever replace him or her? every song reminds you of him. a love scene in a movie could've been you and him? ohh ok,this the best, that you feel your heart (YES your heart, the one organ in our body that goes thump thump thump) moulds him perfectly under your chest..like a real comfy place for him to rest...
yea... have you been swept off your feet, abandoned, asylum dweller, then last but not least, a stalker? LOL fine, so you dont!

it's a wonderful feeling being in love, im sure you agree with me. i get a little disoriented when i talk about love. haha. 

then, must you push yourself to forget? didnt they say time heals? time is suppose to heal it! right?

so whats the fuss about moving forward? i dont understand. honestly.

see if someone is happy with the way things are, then leave her be. because time will make one forgets. maybe the new love is still finding the path that leads to her. until 'the other him' arrives at her feet and makes her forget, the joy of having him comfortably snuggled and rested in his mould is what helps her go through life in love and at peace with everything around her and everyone else who is in love.

god i hope you guys know what im babbling about..

if youre looking for a change..whatnot.. try going here:
http://borrowedconcepts.blogspot.com/

i feel like being teased...

Muscat, Oman

No, I am not writing about Muscat. I am writing about a friend who is now there. We have never met but we know each other through mutual friends and I am so glad that I met her. Today I received a message from her via Facebook. 

What I like about her is that she makes me smile and laugh a lot. She wears headcover/hijab. A smart person. And I would bet a great wife and mother too. I guessed that because we had had a talk one day, I was feeling a lot of things at once, and we started talking. The reason why I mentioned about her wearing hijab is that, usually ladies wearing hijab have a certain perspective about us who don't. I just love her own views and perspective and approach towards things. Her words of wisdom, her advice, her prayers, will be my guidance always. 

When I found out what the message was about, I felt a rush of sadness ran through me. Although I know for a fact that she will always be around here, on the Internet and that we will be communicating 'business as usual' - I just couldn't help feeling that she's not here in Malaysia..
Mala, from now on, I bet you can wash towels and bedsheets not only on Fridays  ;-)

I watched American Idol just a few hours ago, indoor weekend  :)  I was actually aiming for The Voice but I got caught with a phone call and missed it!
Aaaaaanyway..this is weird and would probably come as a disgust to some..but have you looked at a guy and wondered how he looks, or how he is ..... when having sex? Whoaaaa..hold on there, I am not going Adult Content here really.. just something that came up when I was watching AI!!! Yea believe it!
You see I do that when I meet a guy or just when I'm killing time, haha. I can DEFINITELY see Matthew...
I can see John Mayer!!! Absolutely. I can see my ex...  (ooooh) Wesley Snipes. Denzel Washington. Adam Levine. I can even imagine how Matthew Rutler is with Xtina!
OK Forget it..I can see the others.
Ryan Seacrest!  I can't see him. I can't visualize what kind of man he is in bed. Or wherever. And that's kind of a mystery to me..

Between this and that..I have left out a lot of things - halfway - but I'm hoping to at least  shape up (in every department concerned!!) 

OK, I know there are many tour and travel agencies around, but we all know this - the best would be the recommended ones! Well.. it really doesn't matter if you're a local or foreigner, in Malaysia, looking for interesting stuff to do, or you travel @ your passion - diving, boating at sea, river rafting or other adventure-related activities (Malaysians should really start trying) my personal recommendation would be Jaringan Ilham Travel & Tours Sdn Bhd and Scuba Jeff Sipadan for a more tailored and personal touch, honestly! For foreigners, if you're not keen in mingling with us simple local guys, request for a different arrangement -  you will be taken care of  :-)  rotten!

Riggggggght..for those of yous going, "Hey, how about a recommendation for us planning to go abroad, to new  exhilarating destinations.." Boy, have I got one for you!!!!! It is Sedunia Travel - true to its name, just tick your destination! And check this out, I love this little quiz they have on their Facebook which is entertaining and informative!! I like Sedunia Travel because they bring out the rest of the world! 

Well, for those looking for some suggestions on where to head for the coming vacation..pick this magazine up Gaya Travel Nusantara! This is by far the best locally published travel magazine every avid traveller must have! They are young fresh writers and they are brilliant. Although there are room for improvement, I know they'll make it there in no time! I know one place where you can get a copy of this fabulous mag, MPH!

CONTACT INFO:
Jaringan Ilham
http://www.jittsb.com

Nizam : 014-9808030
email : nizam@jittsb.com
Mika : 0196480007 (KL)
ynot_tomato@yahoo.com

Scuba Jeff Sipadan
http://www.scubajeffsipadan.com
Mobile: 0195855125

Sedunia Travel
http://www.seduniatravel.com/

Gaya Travel Magazine
http://www.gayatravel.com.my
Tel: 0377832253

You know what I don't get about young guys..they think they know everything! The way they tell you things, what life is all about, that life is about taking chances, the go with the flow thing..and then out of nowhere, there's this green eyed monster. Like any other critical stuff don't count..I can't figure that one out.. hey I told you 37 times, it'll never work - nooooo, they just wouldn't listen! Now she's cheating on him! lol, quite the opposite of ashton-demi's story. Anyway, in my opinion, if a guy is older than 45, then it is safe to date an older woman..  ;-)
I know there have been quite a high success rate on relationships between young men and 'mature' women, but the way I see it, it only lasts - for a while! So don't even go there. I think, personally, don't start! Yes I know I sound a weeeeee bit biased here but hey, everyone has a right to an opinion..
I don't know, all I'm saying is there's been like a sudden interest in older women lol  OK, I don't know I personally have nnever been in a relationship with younger guys, just dates. But I've seen a few that got me here writing about it. The sex bit some said was worth dying for (noooooo, really? hmmmm... wish there's an icon showing the yellow face scratching its chin wondering.. )  Aaaanyway, they say 'never say never' and I won't just so that I won't get caught in a sticky situation...  :P   ;-)

p/s: the one good thing about being in love with a younger man is that YOU'll look ravishingly gorgeous!!!!
LOL
Then again, just being in love can do that to you..  :-)

seriously..is it really really wrong to say whats in your heart? is it not 'classy' to rant about your feelings?

well i dont know, thats why im here. see im the kind that writes what i feel most of the time. given the option between voice call or text message, id go text messaging anytime just because i feel that i convey my feelings better in writing!

i dont quite like it when i could sense that somethings terribly wrong but they keep telling "nothing, really" or when they heard something bad, about me or someone else..theyd try really hard to cover it up like theyre protecting someone. or me. from getting 'hurt' (?????) i see it this way, if i did something wrong, tell me in a nice way  ;-)  and if you know that who i hang out with is not a good person (from your perspective) frickin nudge me a subtle hint - just so i have some idea of what im up against!!!! why, really it all boils down to your sincerity   .. i guess. 

are you one of those whod go "hell no, im not gonna tell her, let her find out herself.." type of friend? i mean, i would really like for my friends to tell me if they know that somethings wrong. i dont want to be finding out firsthand! well, let me rephrase that, id rather be prepared. simple as that. isnt that much simpler?

i think its a curse. really! you see I KNOW im not even close to pretty looking, buttttttt my photos somehow make me look good. lol????? i dont know mannn. wouldnt you want it to be the other way around instead?

oh my...look how long ive left you all alone here..

well mainly because ive been busy with work. then theres this issue about my love life, and life - the big picture itself..! (haha?) the inspiration to write about anything at all just blew off with the wind.

2011 ended, well.. in a not-too-bad performance. my children finally picked up in school after going through a bad time in the first 2 years of our divorce. theyre hurt and confused. i, living half alive, felt terrified at the mistakes ive made, putting them in such misery. i was so scared that id never pass that haunting moments. whats terrible is that when you expect people you love to 'understand' what youre going through, chances are, they might not. or, youre expecting wayyyyy too much? in this case i wasnt referring to my children but, lets take my ex husband, for example. i have come to a point where i pity this man more than anything. i have truly fail to understand how he sees life and 'performing' his duties as a father. here in malaysia, many ex husbands/single fathers neglected, whether direct or indirectly (and by that i mean PURPOSELY or otherwise..) to provide for their children, at all or unintentionally due to their lifestyles (whatever that means, whatever that is..) . my ex husband has a recognized teaching diploma but refuses to even give it a second thought even if it means that the children have nothing to wear. im not exaggerating. well, if he thinks otherwise, which im confident he does, i challenge him here to state his debate over the statement i made. (oh norrie!!!) no, seriously, if youre not making anything out of whatever that IS youre doing, then by all means, find something else to do. i dont know what or how to tell you anymore, i dont have time on my side.

yea! we're gonna start with just that, first entry of 2012!

;-)