in retrospect to "2nd chance in life and healthy living"  ..ive been thinking a lot about the times when i was not able to do things, especially with the kids. and thinking that i will be living my life without a man in my life. and a stable job. i work from home. not that i am terribly good, but i hate the idea of being on sick leaves every week. and the things people around have said about me! i just couldnt believe that they even thought that! all that brought me down to the ground,  it was insanely heartbreaking - to deal with the pain, and feeling depressed most of the times - especially when its people i trusted and loved. i never knew  'betrayal' could be so insulting! honestly.
now i am not in so much a different situation, really, but i feel calmer within. which is the best start of this healing  process..(yea, i guess this is) that got me thinking, why? then all the reading ive been doing while being cooped up here got me thinking again ( yea thats a lot of thinking and i really hope it will get me going somewhere..) it could be  the state of depression ive been in. you dont think?
yea. when i was in the BIG denial, i felt like everything was fine and dandy but it was just a whole lot of illusion to make up for what i didnt have (i still dont have much..) here... is a good example, i kept telling myself that one day the life that ive been dreaming about would just come true. something like that. that i would be all better. that i will have a real family again. a husband. a good stable family. a home.
OK, god i suck.
What im saying is, depression is not a good thing. i know you guys knew that. me too. well just dont ever keep yourself in it for too long. treat it! dont let it get to you. if there were negative people you know will only bring you down, apologize and try to keep a distance. get reacquainted with yourself and evaluate things. i dont know much, but to rebuild a life needs a lot of positive energy from within and positive people.
i mentioned 'apologize' - to me apologizing to people isnt over-dramatic or in any ways degrading at all!!! its good for the soul. it keeps one grounded. somewhat. try to listen to other people. dont be so self-centered. let me be clear on what i mean, dont keep asking people to listen to ONLY your stories. you need to lend your pair of listening ears too!
so i am thinking that im out of the depressing zone i was in for years and that is why i feel what i feel today. Its a whole lot of things. funny i should say this but its like a detox process for the body and soul!!! its the people in your circle. and the food you consume most definitely!
yes, go ahead eat healthy. eat happily. 

2nd CHANCE IN LIFE & HEALTHY LIVING

Im not sure what exactly about life this post will be about, but lets just roll, you know, who knows that by the time im done, theres something to learn from it.

Alright..how many of you here are disease-free? not even asthma? be very thankful if youre disease-free but stop feeling despair if youre already with one. or two. sorry, but its a fact that some chose to just ignore.i was once there. i chose to ignore. i was in a denial. i thought whatever that is that hit me would just go away one day. well..apparently not. 

i came from a background of family with a sad medical history. i have a few cousins whove been victims of all kinds of cancer. heart diseases. not to mention the now-normal to us all - hypertension and diabetes. my eldest brother died of uncontrolled hypertension. my dad suffered from stroke and lived paralysed for years before he went to meet his Maker. he was also a diabetic. both my brother and sister are now on medications for hypertension and diabetes. and i soon followed. 

i thought what happened to my cousins with cancer wouldnt dare happen to me. or at least in our family. in 2001 soon after my dads passing, my mom fell sick. she complained of bleeding although she had had her menopause years before. she was in and out of the hospital without anything done to her. doctors suggested some procedures but they never went through because her BP or sugar level would be high or shed have a fever. in the end we were all called to meet her doctor only to be informed that shes already in a critical stage of Cervix cancer! I didnt know what to feel. i didnt know how to react. it was a shock to us all. it must be worst to her. i remembered her saddened expression when the doctor announced the 'news'. after that she just didnt care anymore. she hardly smile. or talked. and within a week of knowing, she followed her beloved husband. 

alright, so you thought that would teach me some lessons about managing my life. 

well, in 2002 i had a high fever that caused me my spine..well so-to-speak.. it happened twice. after the second  fever, i felt the right side of  my body became weak. i waited. it got worse. i couldnt walk properly. i couldnt even wear my shoes without having to pick them up and guided it into the shoe or sandal. that still didnt hit me that theres really something wrong with me. after an MRI done, 4 doctors whove seen the result told me that id be wheelchair bound. and i prove all 4  of them wrong. so it got to my dumb head. i forgot all about it. my Philadelphia choke-me-to-death-Collar. my spiritual routine.  my guards. i was careless. i forgot that i still have a severe cervical condition that got my nerves compressed so much it only has about 4mm of space left in the canal, from C2 through to C7, i think! 

OK enough said about my spinal issues (somewhere in December 2010, I couldnt  stand up straight. its my lumbar! God!) although searching for 'something' to treat and rid the pain due to the spinal issue brought me to this small miracle im now so used to calling it 'The Life Potion'  -  well it doesnt...but I shall be more  positive from now on..it hasnt shown me much signs on curing the weakness or the backache. but it helped with the blood circulation, my vampirish sleeping habit. boosts my energy level. my wondering head, which by that i meant unfocused... 

through it all,  it certainly taught me that theres a cure for everything. you just need to keep looking aside from our prayers. 

i dont quite know how to relate what i found and sharing it with you here would teach us about life, haha, but i just have this nagging urge to share it so that everyone will know. 

ok, here's a scenario that i hope will help you understand where im coming from. being sick made people like me somewhat the centre of attraction to health supplement MLM agents. Serious! i get really irritated sometimes you know how they showed up at your doorstep at 10mins to 11 o'clock at night? and how persuasive they can be, like anything else is not good enough but what they represent.. there are friends who are smart enough to let me try it, to see if it works. so i tried. mostly didnt work with me. a few did. one does more than just worked for me. so when i found what worked for me, and does even more, i would like to share it with the world if i had enough networking to spread it around. dont get me wrong, i really do appreciate it, its just the 'pushing' me to 'buy buy buy' laa, you dont think of your health, your young children! im the one carrying it on my shoulders, i know what it feels like!!!

if you thought that having a fever for a week is terrible, what do you think someone diagnosed with a terminally-ill disease feels? 

yep, that there IS the reason why and what im rambling about today. so ok, im sharing this with all of you reading this, and you should really spread it around. its simple, if you dont need it, maybe someone you know MIGHT! 

so when you have the time, go visit and READ about http://kunyit.my/

NOBODY WANTS TO BE SICK!