what life is like these days...

I was on my sorta .... fb very personal journal...whatever..
My horoscope for once, almost  spot on...uh huh

(For some reason the youtube link is not working)
Heard this song on Bones..by chelsea william.
Haha

...aaaand, what i really mean...

....when i wrote in my eid ul adha entry wasnt about being ungrateful. I  love my sister and brother dearly. Thats why i wish that all three of us should work on spending time together at least during times like hari raya.. i dontcare where, my place or theirs. Cook together. Solat jemaah together. Clean up the mess together. I want to do that. Even dalam keadaan i ni, i sanggup nak buat. Biar i swallow a few tramadol supaya tak rasa sakit apa2 untuk hari ysng i boleh spend dengan orang2 yang saya sayang. Id do that.
So yea...a relationship, no matter between lovers or siblings or friends, needs a lot of effort to make it grow and blossom.

May be i should try harder..


P/S: i recieved a few emails in response to that entry, thank you  :-) you guys helped me see the other side of the coin
- sincerely unangered

eid ul adha

LES MISÈRABLES pretty much the same since after the divorce..although this year yein came overand took our son tonthe mosque for solat sunat raya, then off to his parents. as for the past 3 years that we've been separated. divorced. Im beginning not to like the celebration. I feel a lot sadness more than anything else. Please dont tell me, "you should remarry. Yein. Just cause you know him good and bad...blah blah blah" Thank you my dears, i know you care, but read this carefully, his bad and MY BAD, is catastrophic! Trust me. I despise the fact that my sister and my brother both do not see the gathering of us on some special occassion as something important.. i think to them its ok if youre here, its ok if youre not. Its a shame that we are not like some of my friends and their siblings. Aesyah came back from her grandparents looking somewhat unhappy, i just had to ask why, whats wrong...? She didnt want to tell. I left it hoping shed come to me and open up. Takde pun - sampai saya tak tahan hati dah tengok dia monyok macam tu... i just couldnt stand seeing her like that, i went to her, "Kak, please tell me whats bugging you, or youre not going on the school trip" (i know, i can be amazingly pushy sometimes!! Aesyah is going to KL on tuesday, its a school outing before they move on to secondary school...oh boy!) She went, "Mama niiiiii...malaslah nak cerita, its the same thing every year" I immediately thought she meant that we are not celebrating eid like the other families. I went on blabbering that she should be grateful for what she has. What we have. Then she showed that face i know so well... "Ohhh, thats not it...ok im sorry, what is it then?" "Kenapa semua orang suka komplen jer pasal kakak?" Oooooopsie! "Babe, can you please be a little more specific?" I tried to joke my way out. " When we were at atoks he asked me, kakak what do think youd get for your upsr, 5As or 5Fs? And he laughed lepas cakap macam tu. Kenapa dia mean sangat?" Oh it breaks my heart everytime i see her tears all welled up in her eyes. "Please dont cry, not over what he said..dont cry over, because or for him, EVER!" I wanted to add more but it all stayed in my heart. Alhamdulillah. Shes so pure she doesnt understand hatred and anger. I would like to say anything i want, because i owe you nothing, but i am nothing like you. "Kenapa atok selalu macam tu?" "You know the deal Kak, dalam dunia ni ada macam2 orang dengan macam2 perangai, your atok is one of them yang macam2 perangai. I dont expect you to understand it now because it took me 43 years of living, baru nak faham sikit tentang orang keliling kita. Life!" And the more she talked about whats bugging her, the angrier she looked. Yeah, she was a little sad and couldnt understand why sedara mara dia banyak komen pasal her family. No, its not like you cant comment at all, but before you do...take a good look around you. Yourself. Frustrated? Yes! So yeah, raya is pretty much the same