LIFEs LITTLE DILEMMA - Clean UP or....

ok, ive had a really tiring month, with the children and final exams and awards-giving ceremony (yes, im so happy that theyre back on track, slowly and steadily..congratulations darlings) and all the demonic ghostly people playing puppet show, i think i just talk about other peoples dilemma. 

:P   :-)

this comes from a guy. married. and i know him in person too. here you go:

Hye Kak..... sy tak tau cmn nak mula. Tpnyer sy akn cuba, ok. Akk taokan sy dh brpa tahun kawen tp sy rasa sy cm dah tak leh simpan sendiri. Heshh akk, bkan sy!!!!!!! Ha tu lah, cm tk pcaya kn? Tapi bukan lah pasal ada affair ngan lelaki lain. siah palih. Mintak dijauhkan laaaa. Ni pasal mengurus rumahtangga!!!! Ha, amacam ingat ada orang tak yg nak baca citer ni kak? Ok sy citer.. sy ni kira suami yg ok la, tak main perempuan, akk pn tao sy cmna kn.......bukan jenis kaki joli. Abih keje kl takde pe2 sy sure balik umah  nyer lh. Masalah eh kak skng ni workload teruk letih dibuatnyer kak oi. Benda ni dah entah bape kali sy dah tegur. Sekali tegur seminggu tak bercakap. Akk bayangkanlah dia yg duk umah, sy yg balik keje penat2 kena basuh pinggan. sidai kain. Umah tk berkemas. Jangan kata berkemas brg2 umah pon tk tau cmna nk citer. Kat ruang tamu sy ada kain baju. Kadang2 atas meja makan pon ada kain baju. Majalah buku citer lah. Gua serender kak.

CEMANA TU AKAKKU YANG DIKASIHI????????

Sy penah balik umah setengah ari sb badan tk sihat, nengok anak sy yg kaklong tu, baru 9 tahun kak, masak nasi goreng sb ibunyer tk masak! Sedih sy kak. Kalau dia sakit ke sy faham kak. Ini tk dia elok tgok tv. Apa ke jadahnyerrrr? Dato Fadzilah Kamsah kata kalau suami isteri agak2 nk perang tu, tangguh2 la dan bincang laa atas katil. Malam tu sy pon bukak mulut. Elok2. Jgn kata tak dapat kak ngeh ngeh ngeh lansung tk bercakap dekat seminggu. Penjelasan dia, dia kata dia suh kaklong tunggu. Mandi dulu dia masak lepas nengok citer fevret dia. Dia tk nyempat2 sgt so bini sy kata pegi la masak sendiri. Adui pe perasaan dia gak nyer kak? Akk gitau sy..akk pon emak. Akk lg lak, bekerja. Tak kuat sgt sb kesihatan. SY tao akk masak!

Tak tahan lah kak. Semak la kepala sy bila balik umah kak. Dgn umah beserabut. Itu satu hal. Berbelanja! Cm dia istri orang koporat! Kita ni plg2 pon pegi umah org kawen jer kak. Kasut eh cm supermodel. Brg2 mekap. Brg2 dapur sume taknak ngalah kak. Sume nak. Tp guna nyer setahun sekali pon susah nak nengok. Cmna nk nengok guna kok tk penah masak! Eh eh ader la guna, tp emm alahai, ikut style akk, akk perasan tk akk suker ckp emm alahai bila sinis? Rindu lah kat Kak Nora!

Ok ni satu lagi cerita yang sy nk btao akk yg setakat ni sy ingat la, kepala otak sy tengah semak ni kak. Bini sy ni nk kata busuk ati ke hapa ke tak tau lah kak oi, Mashaallah, ini isteri sy sendiri ni yg sy citer! Tp sungguh2 sy rimas la kak. Dia cukup jaki tul kalau sy belikn hadiah untuk anak2 buah sy! Akk pecaya tak tu?????? Pecaya la kak, ni yg sebabnyer sy tak nipu ni! Mcm2 la sebab dia beri. Emak bapak org tu kaya raya, leh beli sendiri. Kenapa dia ni kak? Kenapaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???????????

Emak sy penah panggil sy tanya knpa sya boleh berdiam jer nengok isteri saya cm tu padahal sy ni masa membesar dulu duk dalam umah kemas bersih. Bukan idup cara cm ni sekrg ni. Sy diam je kak. tak tao apa sy nak ckp dgn mak sy. Mak sy bukan tk suker dia kak. Tp dia pon pelik kenapa sampai jadi cm ni. Mak sy sampai kata dia bukan nyer marah sy belikn brg2 utk isteri sy. Itu hak isteri sy. Sy pon tao tu kak. Tp die ni cm ego lebih kot. Tak tao la kak, sy dh puas pikir. Dah terlampau penat. Skrg sy paham rasa nyer bila akk ckp dulu penat mental ni laen dr penat badan.

Ok la kak sy dah penat taip, citer byak nk mengadu kat akak. Tp sy betul2 letih nak pikir. Nak taip.

Kak, doa kn sy dan keluarga kak yer? Tkasih kak.......

i dont know what to say. i know him, a nice guy really. 

ok, its a syndrome. i think, lol. to those who may not understand malay..hes talking about his wife not doing the household chores and her attitude towards some people and more. yea like i said its a syndrome. i think she wants what she cant/doesnt have. may be she wants a maid. she doesnt dig bonia handbags. nor primavera shoes! hehehhe. If you can afford it, apa salahnya bro? bukan senang tau homemaker ni..

my dear brother, kak nora rasa, awak kena tegas beri amaran supaya dia berubah. and ambik lah maid bukan awak tak mampu daripada biarkan rumah berantakan macam yang awak tulis dan yang paling penting, banyak2lah berdoa untuk isteri berubah.....(be firm and go on and get a maid, not that you cant afford it and pray really hard for her to change..)

i just have to reassure you that you DEFINITELY werent trying to embarrass her. youre just letting the steam out. no one knows who you guys are. so dont worry yourself too much over this little confession. ok?

SUNDAL ke kau fikir aku nihhhh?

i told ya i can be rude if i need to..

Bismillahhirrahmannirrahim...sedara-sedari, minta maaf dulu..

ok, mohon maaf kepada sahabat2 yang TAK buruk sangka..:-) 

ini saya tujukan kepada yang banyak buruk sangka  :-(  :-(   dont judge a book by its cover, orang kata! musang berbulu ayam, pun ada orang kata..eh iya ke itu perumpamaannya? tak kisah lah apa pun, tapi buruk sangka tu biarlah berpada-pada beb! jangan over-over..

saya pun tak faham, apa sebabnya nak buruk sangka sampai macam tu sekali? ada ke awak fikir saya berkawan dengan memana lelaki saya ni buat tak senonoh? ada ke saya menipu saya ni orang kaya raya? hahah..atau ada ke saya menipu saya susah dan sakit terlantar? saya bersekedudukan ke? bekas suami datang ke rumah menjenguk anak-anak,  dan bawa kami keluar makan. nak dengar sangat ke cerita dan butiran terperinci? adoii, lotihhh!

saya hargai yang beri nasihat, yang serkap2 ala-ala mamat dalam melodi @ abang rambut ketak tu takyah laaa. saya dah 42 tahun hidup, bernikah sekali, bercerai sekali..saya hanya pernah tido dengan laki a.k.a sekarang ni bekas laki saya saja. im not a slut just because you see me with a different man. or with all kind of men.. saya buat apa yang halal untuk anak-anak saya.

oh ya baru teringat part yang ni, kalau awak fikir sebab berkawan dengan omputih saya ni sure gerenti punya serah tubuh badan, well let me tell you this, setakat ini, tak pernah pun kami buat apa2 yang melampaui batas. tak minum. takde sex bebas. takde lah bebenda macam tu. kawan-kawan saya pun hormati saya. mereka pun tak pernah mintak bebenda mengarut. tak taulah..mungkin kalau yang rela menyerah tu, bak kata orang buaya mana yang tak nak bangkai. pengalaman saya, yang malaysia ni yang banyak mintak bebenda macam tu. im not an animal. apa yang tegak berdiri sapu je.

at the same time, im not judging or looking down on you. saya percaya pada transparent-friendship. you tegur i, i timbang dan perbetul. sama jugak bila i tegur you. bukan cerca caci belakang saya. bercerita dan buruk-burukkan saya. saya sendiri masih cuba memperbaiki diri. i know a lot of things and a lot of people yang selesa macam tu..alamak macamna ye nak cakap tanpa menyinggung perasaan kenalan-kenalan saya. ok takyah cakap lah. biar cakap pasal diri saya sendiri. macam ni lah senang, dengan badan dah patah riuk dan gelember sana-sini, saya sendiri tak selera, apatah lagi orang lain? fikir lah logik.. itu secara terjemahan kasar. i am just not into it! and saya pun bukan gila jantan (tengok luaran je, macam tengok lelaki hensem tu ada lah) dan BUKAN gila sex sampai tak kenal buruk baik.

saya pun ada perasaan. sakit bila kena kutuk.. dan mungkin satu hari nanti, kalau Allah pertemukan saya dengan jodoh saya, mungkin saya akan berdating keluar makan. jalan2. buat masa ni memang tertutup lagi, masa depan tak tau lah. heeeeeeeeee ontah lah korang ni..nampak macam orang baik-baik, ghupa nye, saya yang disangka buruklaku ni tak lah seburuk tu..

i think im done rambling. so please, bila lagi sekali lagi awak fikir saya ni pompuan jahat, ingatlah awak ada anak perempuan. ada adik perempuan. ada kakak. ada anak-anak buah perempuan.

*nota kaki lagi! - nah kau..

tak percaya pada kekuasaan Allah ke? lima kali sehari sembah muka ke bumi, awak mengata-ngata orang? tak percaya ke yang manusia ini akan berubah. doakan lah bukan sebaliknya, itu saja.  yang mengata saya pernah mengandung tanpa nikah. pernah mengugurkan anak. ada anak yang lari rumah ikut lelaki, bersekedudukan sampai ada anak. ada anak buat dosa depan mata, tak buat apa-apa. cukup-cukuplah, tak terfikir kah perasaan orang? saya banyak benda yang nak kena tempuh, i am just asking you to play nice with me, be a friend. thats all!

fatbottomgal becomes aunt thelma?

when i first heard 3Ds (Dilly's Daily Dilemma) on mix.fm i thought "ok..can this beat battle of the sexes?" just that i thought jds interview thingy is silly and annoying. its been almost a year, i think and it gets better and  better..i wouldnt say better than battle of the sexes, i just love both! good job dilly!

the reason why i brought Dilly's Daily Dilemma here is because i have been getting messages from friends and acquaitances on facebook and people following my blog talking about what theyre going through. isnt that something????? i really never thought of that.

so, i decided to ask permission from one of them if i could write about it in my blog, of course not revealing the names or true identity. all that i asked, have agreed! VOILA!

heres my first debut..uh huh

her subject title read: I MARRIED A BASTARD, REALLY!

I went to your blog because I was bored. Sorry. I have seen it on Facebook notification a few times, just never bothered to go until last month. I always respect our relationship in ways of what it was based on, I learn about relationship of husbands and wives, family in laws and friends. I never believed that I should check his phone or be suspicious everytime when a girl calls. But on the night of our anniversary, I just thought I should break all the rules. We went out, had a nice dinner. And he bought me what I asked for. Yes I got what I asked for. But I guess this is what they call a woman's intuition. We went to bed that night, the same as any other day. No hot sex. No romantic pillow talk. I'm sorry, we've been married for 4 years and there is still no sign of us having kids. He said he loves children. Okay, I guess that is besides the point. Or is it? Well he sure wasn't trying hard enough. We were in bed and he was still busy replying to his BB messages that kept coming in. I got really annoyed. It's been going on for months already. I mean what is it that couldn't wait for tomorrow that he had to be texting messages in the middle of the night? On our anniversary? I almost lost my temper but I thought, calm down, do it professionally. I was trying to be funny. I waited until he was fast asleep. I took his phone and left our room. There were hundreds of messages conversation with a lady. Lets name her N. Some were normal stuff. Some sounded like work related. And some was pure disgusting sex talk!!! There was one conversation where he admitted that he's married and that he's not completely happy because the lack of action in our sex life because he said I'm fat! Then he added he likes a little flesh but I'm always busy with work and never there for him. That we have sex, may be once a month, when I say Okay, it's sex night tonight!

I don't know what to say. I confronted him in the morning. He denied it all. He said she was just a friend. A single mother. She meant nothing to him. It was just a fling. He was bored. And in the end, when he ran out of excuses, I think, he said N doesn't him anyway when he told her that he's married. SERVES YOU RIGHT!!!!

A classic excuse right? I think I've heard them all before from another woman's mouth.

It's true we don't have sex every night. But we are both working 2 jobs! Things looked normal until he met N, I think. Now I'm convinced that he met N at work. I mean if he would just tell me that he wanted sex, I would gladly gie him what he wanted, God damn you, I want sex too, you idiot!
My husband, he is just a typical dark tall, not bad looking guy. I fell in love with him because he was this quiet, shy guy, I thought would never cheat on his wife! Another thing, he told N that he's had affairs before but before he was married. He never told me that! He told her how he liked them in bed. HE DESCRIBED what the previous girlfriends did for him, sexually! So much for shy, quiet guy!!

Okay, my problem now Nora, is that I can't live a lie anymore. I have lost all my respect for him. I feel disgusted and dirty. Why? I have no idea. He should be feeling this way, not me! But he's perfectly normal. Like nothing happened. And he wants me to do the same. For the sake of our marriage but I want out! I really want out. I'm not sure what or why I write to you. Maybe, for some advice. May be just to let things out. I really don't know.

******************************************************************************
ive written to her and share my opinion. the decision making is all hers. sometimes we just need an unbias opinion on what we wish to do, just to be clear-headed. she was devastated because she believed that the relationship she had with her husband is true 'to the bone'. she trusted him. she let him had his ways with what he wants to do. and he betrayed her. thats what i think.

shoot! didnt i sound bias there??????

lawar daging..

...which really is a malay cold dish!!! its a combination of salad and meat. its beef and cucumber! well thats how Chik made it. you can of course use chicken, fish is good too..now if you use fish, it is probably somewhat similar to a sarawak  dish. you can eat this on its own or with rice.

youll need:

1. beef - you can start with half a kilo

2. coconut milk - thick milk preferably

3. cucumber - 2 pcs

4. onion - 2  pcs

5. bird's eye chilli - about 11 - 21, if you like it hot, that is.. OR you can use black pepper corn that you should pound yourself, for the fresh taste and aroma

6. shallots - about 11 - 21 pcs

7. garlic - just dont go overboard with it, 1 - 3 cloves will do

how to:

1. boil beef + salt on slow fire for the stock. you can either slice thinly, or pound it and tear it to your desire

2. slice cucumber thinly

3. slice onions thinly

4. shalllots, garlic and bird's eye chillies pound or blend them (if youre using prawn, add a little dried prawn in this mix, or dried anchovies if you use fish)

5. combine all the above in a mixing bowl and pour coconut milk and some of the beef stock, for taste.

6. keep refrigerated

my grandmother inlaw made something similar to this, its lovely too. only thing is that her method is very much like cooking masak lemak cili api because hers is cooked. whatever it is you should really give this a try..i will make this and will upload a picture while i let your imagination run wild.. ;-)  :P

ALFATIHAH untuk Chik, Ayah, Along & Bapak n Uchi

..the way i see it? Pt. II

my teenage days were really not very different! (right?? tell me that you had the same, well ALMOST as interesting..?) the top of the pops days! the true rebel. i didnt get the attention i used to get from my father. i missed my mother, whom i hardly see because unlike the other mothers at the time, she worked. my brother hizan a.k.a. gary was always taking my sister around and everywhere. my brother sham had his own group of friends that he occasionally brought home during the weekend. so i kept to myself. i read books i wasnt suppose to read. i watched movies that got me scared in my room at night. in short i learnt about the other side of life when i was suppose to still be a child.

shortly before my 17th birthday, i had a tiff with my one and only sister - so i wrote a letter (yep, i started writing letters at 8-9 years old. my father encouraged me to write letters to new friends..from the program 'the big blue marble'. i had friends from every continent, i forgot to mention this in Part I) saying that im going to 'clear my mind at chops place', lol macam real. on the second night at chops, she called. and i got an earful of  'lectures'  from her. i asked her why didnt you tell mother where i was? when i came home i got more nagging from my mother, the woman never raised a finger nor her voice at me. clearly she was angry, frustrated and scared. i cried. then to my surprise, my father called me and we had a 'man-to-man' talk. not his normal self, he spoke like a true hero, with his hand on my head!  i remember thinking 'ayah is on my side..' i  cried for two days before my mother, or 'chik' thats what we call her, started talking to me again.

at some stages of my life, my relationship with my sister or 'kaklang' was like of an insecure lover. haha. i will share with you some of the story of our lives! i hope you and i, learn from what we share here. im not looking at it as a bad thing.. now im 42, ive learnt to see things in a different perspective, i hope you would too..

my sister, she is really beautiful and blessed with the height and great bod.. what i wrote up there was actually the beginning of our love-hate relationship.

(PLEASE DONT LOOK AT THIS AS A BAD THING, both of us have made mistakes..just take it as a lesson learned.. try to read this as just a life experience without being judgemental.)

from then on, we have been the best of sisters, and otherwise! when i was thinking about writing this, i was scared if i would hurt some people. it took me a long time, and finally, here it is. we both made mistakes. i was the super sensitive one. i was called the weak one..but i see myself as the strong one, because i was, i am and i will always be a stand-alone unit. per se. i think. but i realized a few years ago that i am a stronger person than i gave myself credit for (ok.. that sounds familiar, haha, a line from a song..it must be johnnys)

you see its different with kaklang, she never shed a tear. well, hardly. i guess she is super strong and she leads a pretty much happy life. my life is very different for hers. she has a very responsible and loving husband who takes care of her every need. stable living. emotion.

i know that its really unfair for me to write this without yeins, thats my ex, side of the story here. like i said, i made mistakes too. but i guess once youve lost it,  you lost it..(not the loving feeling..well i still care about him a lot. as does he, for me.)  
i'll talk about this in the other part, insyaallah  :-)

so..from a happy person i turned to be this sad woman....my perspective towards a lot of things changed. i totally changed. i have been through a very lethargic journey that at one time got me losing faith. losing faith in people. there were too many hidden agendas. pride to protect. which is, NOW i know that it seems like a natural thing. that almost everyone does that! "Oh i have  never done such thing!" "Aku tak pernah macam tu"  Ive seen too many. I am talking in general now, please know that...

before i finish up with part II, please let me tell you that my sister and i, we are just like many other sisters, just a little different  ;-)  i love her dearly, and i know she loves me too, in her own way..

so i guess, the moral here is.. theres always a reason why people say things..do stuff. just frickin' stop judging.. there cant be no two identical situation that two different people are facing..

have a fabulous weekend my friends  :D

facebooking & school reunion

Dah lama tak update blog..just cuz i was busy with nursing myself and stuff.

I was never the popular girl in school. and school is where you meet the first batch of mean people..god really..
i went through the same ordeals. mean girls. bean boys. i just needed it to rhyme.. i was called names and looked down to by a few of them. oh well. i guess people change..i know one or two who are  nicer now, well, lets hope that they really are sincerely nice..

so the idea of meeting up at a reunion really didnt appeal to me at all although there are some friends that i really missed and would really like to meet again..

I accepted most of the friend-requests, talked or chatted once in a while. But..ahh..i missed several of the TTS (TEH TARIK SESSION - pulled tea ) I only went once on the first year, and kept myself busy with god-knows-what..and just recently after much persuasion from my dear friend Hazida Abdul Karim, i went out again  :-)

I didnt know if i could make it , it was all done right to the very last minute. i was still very much a child at school when it comes to meeting up and chit-chatting cause i feel that among my friends, im a failure. that i have nothing to tell anyone about.

i was excited to meet up with my friends but there are things in me thats  giving me the hot and cold sensation..like im getting married, all over again. thats not a good sign..

we met, and evidently, i really did enjoy myself! well i know its called TTS but at this point none of us were drinking tea..it was only later when we are at the mamak stall that the tea session began. TEH TARIK tastes the best at Mamak stall! theres no such thing that Teh Tarik kat hotel sedap...  :P

Sooooooo heres a pic of some of us anyway  :-)  Thank you, you georgians..